The Occasional Retrospection

She said a good day ain’t got no rain. She said a bad day is when I lie in bed. And I think of things that might have been–Paul Simon

I used to have this odd feeling-whenever I was nearly hit by a semi on the freeway or almost choked to death on a chicken bone or nearly fell into the Grand Canyon-that I could see into that other life that had just ended.

I felt that I was somehow jumping from life to life at each death moment, and I often wished that these other slackers had done a slightly better job of living my life than I had.

There are a handful of moments that I tend to think of as turning points which might have set me either on the right path or the really wrong path-but I have always been a Middle Path kind of guy.

When I was right out of High School I played with the idea of being a Travel Agent, an Aircraft Mechanic, or joining The Marines.  Looking back now I can’t even imaging having become a Marine and my skills at aircraft mechanics in High School were not all that good either.

I didn’t become a Travel Agent because the school’s placement program garanteed me a job, but not one where I lived.  Odd to think about now as well, after all has staying in the same general spot all these years really made that much of a difference?

I used to think about suicide a lot.  I had a gun once and according to some study or another, that’s the manly way to kill yourself.  But I was never man enough to go through with it.  I always liked the idea of pills or maybe jumping off a bridge.  I even bought a copy of Finial Exit once upon a time, though I have yet to take the turning.

I like to blame my parents, as many people do these days.  They didn’t shove a golf club or a tennis racket into my hands when I was two years old and decide my future for me.  So I have drifted and stumbled along on my own.  Of course, after a while you can’t really blame anyone but yourself for where you are or what did or didn’t do with your life-but where’s the fun in that?

I am, for the most part, content with my life.  Oh I have the occasional flares up where I wish I were Bill Gates or an Arab Oil Billionaire, but really, I have always felt that was cheating somehow.

I still think of things that might yet be, and not things that might have been.  I have always liked the Butcher in Fiddler on The Roof-What’s done, is done he said with a motion of cutting off his hand.  I have always liked the idea of the past being past.

Jon Herrera

Jon Herrera

Writer, Photographer, Blogger.
Jon Herrera

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Writer, Photographer, Blogger.

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