The Occasional Retrospection

She said a good day ain’t got no rain. She said a bad day is when I lie in bed. And I think of things that might have been–Paul Simon

I used to have this odd feeling-whenever I was nearly hit by a semi on the freeway or almost choked to death on a chicken bone or nearly fell into the Grand Canyon-that I could see into that other life that had just ended.

I felt that I was somehow jumping from life to life at each death moment, and I often wished that these other slackers had done a slightly better job of living my life than I had.

There are a handful of moments that I tend to think of as turning points which might have set me either on the right path or the really wrong path-but I have always been a Middle Path kind of guy.

When I was right out of High School I played with the idea of being a Travel Agent, an Aircraft Mechanic, or joining The Marines.  Looking back now I can’t even imaging having become a Marine and my skills at aircraft mechanics in High School were not all that good either.

I didn’t become a Travel Agent because the school’s placement program garanteed me a job, but not one where I lived.  Odd to think about now as well, after all has staying in the same general spot all these years really made that much of a difference?

I used to think about suicide a lot.  I had a gun once and according to some study or another, that’s the manly way to kill yourself.  But I was never man enough to go through with it.  I always liked the idea of pills or maybe jumping off a bridge.  I even bought a copy of Finial Exit once upon a time, though I have yet to take the turning.

I like to blame my parents, as many people do these days.  They didn’t shove a golf club or a tennis racket into my hands when I was two years old and decide my future for me.  So I have drifted and stumbled along on my own.  Of course, after a while you can’t really blame anyone but yourself for where you are or what did or didn’t do with your life-but where’s the fun in that?

I am, for the most part, content with my life.  Oh I have the occasional flares up where I wish I were Bill Gates or an Arab Oil Billionaire, but really, I have always felt that was cheating somehow.

I still think of things that might yet be, and not things that might have been.  I have always liked the Butcher in Fiddler on The Roof-What’s done, is done he said with a motion of cutting off his hand.  I have always liked the idea of the past being past.

Jon Herrera

Jon Herrera

Writer, Photographer, Blogger.
Jon Herrera

Latest posts by Jon Herrera (see all)

Writer, Photographer, Blogger.

Posted in random thoughts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*