Thinking about Window Treatments

Wilson: House is lying to you.

Nora: I know. And so are you. It’s 2010, I mean… You know, nobody cares if you’re gay anymore. I mean, you don’t have to be in the closet.

Wilson: I’m not, I… Look around you. Does this really look like a place gay men live? A-apart from the poster. Those stools are our only furniture. There are no window treatments.

Nora: Well, my ex-boyfriend didn’t even know what window treatments were.

I was at my Brother in Law’s the other day and he was complaining that his cheap plastic Venetian blinds were cheap plastic Venetian blinds.  These are the white plastic type with one inch slats that block light with approximately the same effectiveness as cheesecloth.  All the windows in his mostly nice looking home have these plastic blinds.  I asked him if he had ever considered buying, maybe, some drapes.

“Drapes?” He said in total and complete horror as if I had asked how he liked the taste of stir-fried kitten. “Drapes are ugly.”

This from a man that thinks Captain Morgan would make a great interior designer.

The Wife also has a strong aversion to drapes, wall paper, and pretty much anything other than that 1970s ideal of perfection-white stucco walls and white Venetian blinds with all white trim.  I have never been a huge fan of that whole living inside a giant marshmallow thing myself, but I do like having drapes when I want to block out the sun.

My dream at one time was to buy an old Victorian house and do that whole Bob Vila thing on it.   Wall paper, wooden blinds, wooden shutters, drapes-all things they needed in the good old days to keep out the heat and the cold.  Short of winning The Power Ball there will be no Victorian house in my future, but I still like curtains and wall paper and mirrors.


Jon Herrera
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