Water for Elephants

The story of a college dropout who falls in love with a married woman.  The only trouble is that her husband happens to be a homicidal maniac. He gets away with constant murder by running a circus that is always on the move.

Water for Elephants is a so over the top that I found myself waiting for the clichéd ending a good thirty minutes before it happened.  The madman/ring master abuses his wife, kicks dogs, beats an elephant bloody, murders countless people, and yet no one ever even thinks of trying to stop him or reporting him to local authorities.  Well, it was the Depression, so I guess a job where you might be killed at any moment is better than no job at all.

The kid from Twilight does a good job of looking tortured and distraught, but I kept waiting for him to sprout fangs and deal with the villain in a good old fashioned vampirely way.  But no.  He is just one one coward unable to stand up to the Boss.

The elephant in the story is a 42 year old Asian elephant named Tai-called Rosie in the film-who does a pretty good job of acting like a preforming elephant.  For some reason the female elephant is referred to as a Bull and the person who pokes her with the Bull Hook is called the Bull Man.

This was back in the good old days, when a quality circus had strippers, fat ladies, and animal cruelty was the industry standard for the exotic beasts that spent their lives in tiny cages.  Out hero, such as he is, was studying to be a Vet and he uses his knowledge of animals to get a job at the circus.

The fairy tale ending of our hero and the now widowed woman living happily ever after seemed as contrived as the rest of the story.

Reese Witherspoon and Robert Pattinson are completely forgettable and just about anyone else could have played the roles better.  Christoph Waltz, on the other hand, is such a perfect bastard that I wanted to jump through the screen and pound him with a Bull Hook myself.

Reese and Robert-take a look at Christoph, it’s called acting.


Jon Herrera
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